It feels like I'm trapped. Trapped is a rollercoaster of emotions witch I can't get out off.
It's al too much right now and even I try to put a bubble around me so I don't feel so much triggers no more, I feel enough.
I'm not going crazy... yet... But if I don't filter somewhere, I will lose it. I talk to Stef, I try to talk to others, but most of the time nothing comes out.. I feel so much that I don't feel a thing. The red lined emotions/feelings are: anger, sad, powerless, nervous, scared and most off all, I feel alone. Even though I can call my friends, I can talk with Stef or cuddle my beloved pets.. I feel alone... That feeling is the hardest of all. Because it haunts me day in day out. I had it since I can remember it. And even though I'm surrounded by people and animals who love me, it does not go away. I can't remember a moment that I did not feel alone. I don't know what it is that makes me feel like this, but I do know I want to get rid of it! But after all these years, I still did not find out how..
For now I'll try to stay busy, so I don't have to think about it every second. I can focus on other things and try to get my mind off things. That is a solution that helps in short period so I have something. It's sure better then nothing right?
